People leave me agitated, with a rough almost sandpaper-like residue in my mouth. I get drunk off of anger sometimes, and find it difficult to become sober from that feeling.
I just ran into a discussion with someone, and I try not to care or have attached feelings because I keep getting this gut instinct that this person is rather good at being someone else. Sometimes I wonder if remaining friends is such a good idea.
I'm in such awful moods with this person lately that speaking to them only reminds me of a slow toxin I keep feeding into myself.
Looks like I have to keep pushing, we will just become bitter friends in the end, I should be more unsettled by that thought, yet I'm not.
The week just isn't progressing to the nature that I would like it to,
I am shitting bricks right now, so much so that I shall have enough for a house soon.
Finding out that Spice Girls recently released a video has totally made my day. I love these girls like whoa since the age of 11, I can't quite explain it, I loved their music, style and personality, they were a positive role in my childhood when I often found myself alone and confused. They always kept the message the same of being a strong woman.
Every time I listen to them now I just feel happy and nostalgic, so when I found out about their reunion I was ecstatic! I thought I would never see the day with even the 4 of them producing new music, let alone the 5 of them doing it and having a tour!
Now here they are again, after about 9 years making a new video with Geri. It's been about 7 years that they haven't made a new video with just the 4 of them after Geri left the group. So either way it's been a very long time since the spice girls have made a video period.
I love it, but of course myself being a fan I have a biased opinion.
As I was piping out batter to form spider webs my hand twitched, I screwed up a line, instantly frustrated, I shifted the piping bag to rest better in my hand when I noticed a dried red stain on my middle finger. "red food colouring" I thought as I poked at it, than found this quite long line on my finger that elicited some pain when I prodded at it, still it didn't click in my head. I noticed that my first finger was all smudged with red as well, that's when I noticed a lighter pink flesh tone underneath the red. "Wait..I used red food colouring yesterday..this mean, OH CRAP." So I managed to cut myself. How? I don't even remember because I felt no pain in doing so, in fact if I didn't have to adjust the piping bag I would have never noticed, and I must have been bleeding for a bit because it was already pretty dried on my flesh.
Ugh, I dropped everything I was doing, cleaned myself up, put a band aid on and of course that's when the pain sets in, the stinging resembles the type of burning a hooker would give to your private parts. Of course I managed to bleed onto some of the batter. I threw it all out.
There goes that idea!
Now I have a long gash on my finger and no cookies either.
If there is one thing I'm amazing at is putting things off
I looked up my exam marks for intro to psych. I did not bad, I did better than last time. I was however expecting this, since the lectures more so was based on logic and common sense, required less memorization of intricate parts of the brain. I'm not terribly disappointed considering yet again I flourished at being almost deemed as a Queen of procrastination. I studied for all of maybe half an hour. I had 16 pages of notes to cover..yes 16, I sat in bed at about midnight reading these notes over one full time, and than reading them again maybe half way before I fell asleep.
I've been like this all through school, I would study the day before the exam for about half an hour and that was pretty much my limit. I would perhaps need some tranquilizers or Ritalin to get myself more focused. Even if I'm interested in the subject, studying always comes off as too much of a chore, therefore I can't place enjoyment in it. I can't go "OH YES I GET TO STUDY THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SEX, I CAN'T WAIT TO STUDY LET ME PROCEED TO RUB THESE NOTES ALL OVER MY BODY." I wish I got such an excited response, maybe than I would actually receive 100% in all my classes.
Sometimes I still feel torn, I would like to become a psychologist, I've been saying this for the longest time, I have many other passions in life, and little things I find interest in that I can pick up much quickly, though as soon as theory and actual process is put into them to the point they feel like a job, my interest slowly dims. I don't quite exactly know yet where I would like life to take me.
Take for example, this weekend I'm making a few goody bags for my friends Halloween themed, yes Halloween is over but Sunday is the only time we could get together. I'm making all the treats myself, and looked for recipes online, and I just find myself flooded with ideas, I get all creative on what I will do, and I add to what is just written in the recipe. Things like that I could be creative, though I could never be a baker because this is one of my passions that I love to do without the added pressure of it having to be "professional."
I honestly love it, I feel such a sense of achievement that I smile throughout my whole body, and handing it to them and seeing their faces, seeing them munch on my few hours of hard work I just glow. There is no other better way to describe it, it's as though I found the cure for cancer.
Studying is my part time Job that doesn't pay me any money.
I should be studying, of course the wonders of the Internet, however lack luster I find them to be still comes off as more entertaining than the idea of stuffing my cranium full of knowledge for an upcoming exam. By upcoming of course I mean tomorrow because I'm edgy like that.
I always tell myself that I will start studying as I inquire the information, this happens about as often as Mary Kate Olsen (or was it Ashley?) eats, so as you can imagine I don't do it often.
My body goes through some biological turbulence otherwise known as laziness that hinders me from sitting down, hauling out books and laptops and focusing long enough to finish reading the title.
These excuses won't help me get any better, I understand that, I can work on assignments and be fine with that, but as soon as I know I have to memorize a bunch of information for an exam I get all flustered.
As the title states, studying has become like that musky unpleasant part time job that you feel forced to do in order to have money in your pockets, yet you don't get paid for it.
So in the end I'm a really cheap dirty whore for my pimp named Education.
